I am losing my religion| Doubt, Confusion and Questioning the Christian Faith.

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I never thought I would find myself here.

Never in my wildest dreams.

I who was born and raised in church. Attending church from morning to evening, my mom used to carry porridge and a small mattress for me, so that I can rest and eat at church.

Me who served at church whenever I was tired of sleeping, I was known for giving my all in the women’s washrooms whether mopping or cleaning the toilets.

I never thought I would reach this point.

-I am currently questioning what I believe, questioning my faith.

-Doubting all that I believe, asking myself questions that I think a person who believes shouldn’t ask.

-Confused, really confused.

I don’t know if what I believe is right..

am I living my faith right..

what I grew up hearing is all there is to it…

and is this faith the one that I want for my life…

And is He able like He says He is…

I know I have already said what a Christian with a blog that has a Bible on its link shouldn’t. And if only you heard the questions I ask myself.. You would be more shocked.

My faith is shaken.

Badly shaken.

1. Confused by the teachings | Confusion

I have recently found myself confused.

By what I am taught.

Sometimes, sometimes it is different with what is in the Bible.

I think this stage was a long time coming. I remember when Tasha Cobbs and Nick Minaj did a song together, I was still using social media back then, some preachers were supporting this, some weren’t. Here I was following both teachers, and listening to every word they said. So why couldn’t there agree if this was right or not?

What about Christians and Muslims, as it is a trend nowadays for preachers to say we are related somehow. What about transgender people, gays, lesbian and all these others trends, do I need to have a stand on all of this? And what is it?

I am just left with a lot of confusion.

It is a lot of confusion than clearance now.

I feel like it is hard to know God’s heart from just the teachers/preachers/prophets. I am confused. By them. By their teachings.

I don’t know what is right and wrong.

And what I have learnt is, I won’t know what is right to God, if I don’t learn/ask about it from Him.

2. I have reached that age where I want my own faith | Questioning

I have shared how I used to go to church with mom. I loved and cherish those days. But I feel like it feels so insincere now. I am tired of going to church for mom, or for the fun after it. I want to worship.

I am at that age where I want to make a conscious decision, is this it or not.

This, this questioning is the reason many people leave faith altogether.

For once in my life, I don’t want to do church as a chore.. In fact I wet through this in university. I was alone, far from home, and was required to decide for myself. Will I keep on pretending I love church for the money I’m given on Sunday or I really do love God and His congregation…

This questioning is a must I think, most young people go through this. This is important. Or else you won’t grow in knowing God by yourself, this God will be the God of your mother, your family but never yours.

3. I am going through a difficult time in my life | Doubt

I am here.

You can progress to I am leaving this faith, it doesn’t work. I know. I have watched videos of people who doubted and decided to leave faith.

I on the other hand, I am going through a season of my life that I can’t pray anymore. I just don’t know what to pray for. The other day, when praying I said, ‘God I am not sure You are able to do it’. I said that.

I think grief, hopelessness, and all the difficult things there are to go through in life have a way of opening us up to a completely new relationship with God.

But I also think they have a way of breaking us, like we have never thought of before.

I doubt, like Thomas I need to see Jesus’s hands to believe. My faith so shaken It just can’t be awaken by someone saying something so inspirational.

Do you remember the man who answered Jesus,’ I believe, help my unbelief’, that is me now.

Maybe this will strengthen my faith. Currently I have decided to read the Bible by myself to see if there is any weight that I am carrying which I wasn’t meant to carry. To see what He says from the beginning to the end. To see how Christ lived His life and how I can learn from Him to live mine.

I read His Word so that I can be free.

I am reading His Word so that I can go back to His heart, know His heart by myself.

This might be a good thing.. Losing my religion.

Or a bad thing.. Losing my religion.

Good thing because I might grow, discover and learn who Christ is by myself, rather than what has been passed down by teachers alone. And that’s why I am losing it, to gain His freedom, His thoughts, and His ways.

Bad things because I might lose my religion. Like all who have questioned and failed to find answers that satisfied them and left.

I know God is good, God is able, God is powerful.

And I want to experience that by myself.

I need something different, and different looks like Him.



  • Robert Chamberlain

    I don’t know what kind of teaching you’re getting, so I can’t sat whether a rejection of it is necessarily a bad thing. But don’t give up on God or His Word because He’s our only hope! I know you don’t know me from Adam, but feel free to email me any questions at bobjc88 at gmail.com and I’ll try and help you if you like ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Eunice Tossy

      Yes brother.. I won’t..

      I know its a season of learning and He is still my God through it all. I won’t give up on Him, I feel like this is more of my struggle and my quest to understand and know Him well.

      Oh no, I think I don’t.. Let me email you brother.
      Thank you?

  • Bro George

    This is a great post; you poured out your heart and God has heard you.

    I learnt a lot from there. I found out that weariness sometimes in the Christian walk is inevitable but nevertheless the foundation of the Lord standeth firm and the Lord knows those who are His.

    Is a good season to learn a lot; I have been there before and trust me God is faithful and will keep you.

    God knows the heart I wrote this with; we are still in the school of faith.โœŠ?

    • Eunice Tossy

      Thank you brother.

      I feel so sometimes, I think stopping people from going through this, can also be harmful. I think maybe this is a way that God uses to show His power.. I don’t know but like in Job’s case maybe.

      Ooh, I would love to hear more of your story brother G.

      Truly, we are still learning.. Thank you brother

  • Eugene Barasa

    I think your position is that of questioning about why you chose God. This makes you to explore the Bible
    I recently had questions about how the law of God is good and if I’m really keeping the Sabbath.
    Then I read through the book of Hebrews and James and really found the hidden knowledge I was searching for.
    Recently at church, our pastor was preaching about the superiority of the Bible and how most preachers would tend to preach of important livelihood things, exciting the heart but doesn’t point to the real doctrine. One of the things that sparked my attention was “If a revelation isn’t in line with the Bible, then it’s wrong; if a revelation is in line with the Bible, it’s RIGHT, BUT NOT MORE RELEVANT THAN THE BIBLE itself” He even added and said” The Bible is more important than the preacher.
    I hope my feedback will assist you, but remember the Bible still rules over and has answers to every question… perhaps your reading is a way in which God wants to teach you his ways that you may keep seeking his face.

    • Eunice Tossy

      Yes, makes me explore the Bible and stand firm on my faith and belief in Him.

      Oh, I would love to learn what you learnt brother.
      Currently walking through Leviticus myself to learn about God’s law myself.

      True.. Its more of a motivational speech than a heart changing living Word of God. Woow. I have loved that Word.

      That’s what I am finding out. The answers in the Bible.. So true, I think so too. It is more of learning for me. Thank you brother E, this was helpful.

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