Where do I start?
I just see years going by and I still haven’t figured out life. Am I supposed to?
Relationships are hard, there is a pressure to make it work and marry, but I feel like I don’t even know myself that well to know someone else and marry them.
My friends are getting married, and having babies. I am here wondering am I making my mom sad by being single now that I am 25 while others have kids and made their moms grandparents?
Actually one of my friend told me that my mom is sad that she isn’t a grandma now, and it’s my fault. Whew.
And I thought this was my life to decide.
Is she though??
Being single is hard, oh and I have talked about this before.
There is a pressure to be successful in this decade. To have everything figured out now.
I am tired.
Somedays I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Somedays I feel like the standards are too high. Somedays I don’t feel like I will make it, somedays I am not sure that I am on the right track. Somedays I am not sure success as it is defined right now, is what will make me happy, or is what is right for me.
But I feel pressured to be successful, in my relationships, financially, career wise, physically, its just too much.
I have friends but most days I feel friendless.
Most days I feel like I can trust nobody.
Or even when I can, I know they are battling things themselves.
Even making friends is hard now.
Mentally it’s been hard. I am dealing with a lot.
Depression, loneliness, trauma, identity crisis, family drama, financial issues, weight issues and etc
I am broke. And I am tired of being broke.
There is a lot to experience and see, I just don’t have the money to.
There is therapy, no money.
There is independence, renting, ‘starting my own independent life’, no money.
Unemployment, post graduate depression, stressing and worrying about the future.
Somedays I don’t feel like I was well prepared to be an adult, to face all of this at once. Is there a manual?
Am I capable of being an adult? What does that look like?
You know what even writing this post is making me tired.
Here is a thing I know, this too will end, I will be thirty. This is teaching me something. I believe it with all that I am, if I can survive this I will be wiser in my 30s.
I know that I will be financially stable, I know I will be in a relationship, maybe for now I should not be in so much pressure to make everything work all at once, I have my whole life to live, whole life to see the world, whole life to figure out life, whole life for everything to work at different times, for now I can just learn whatever this decade is teaching me, make mistakes and as long as mom hasn’t told me that she is sad because she is not a grandma, I am not gonna worry about what I don’t know.