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Eunice Tossy  

5 things you learn about yourself when you are in a relationship

Don’t get it twisted, love is a beautiful thing


I’m gonna be honest with you, I used to think love songs are cliches, until I fell in love and now they are my jams.

Love is truly a beautiful thing, love is healing, love brings out the best in you (it exposes the worst too, but that’s for the next paragraph). Love makes you feel that life is beautiful, that maybe the world is dark but yours has a lamp, a torch of hope, your partner, who will always swim with you regardless. Love is truly a beautiful thing, the best feeling and being in love is a fulfilling experience.

This is the next paragraph where I talk about how love exposes our worst as well, to ourselves and our partners. I personally feel like I have changed and grown since I started dating my partner, because of all the demons I have had to (and still) fight and all my toxic habits and issues that this relationship has laid out in the open that I have to work through. I used to think it is important that I heal every area of my life so that I don’t start a new world with someone while still carrying my old baggage, but recently I have started to think maybe we can do both, heal and enjoy life’s best feelings and experiences. And I’m forever grateful that I gave this love a shot, it is a beautiful feeling to have someone who you are healing with, someone who is there for you in all situations. So since you never stop healing even when you are in love, here are 5 things that I and maybe you will learn (too) about yourself when you are in love :

1. Your fighting style

It is amazing how much we are capable of hurting those we claim to love, and how vulnerable they are to wounds caused by us. In love is when you learn how you handle conflicts, i never knew this or at least it wasn’t an issue in my eyes before that I approach conflicts as battlegrounds, I don’t fight, I want to destroy someone and then win. But in love being right is not that important because you hurt yourself in return when you hurt the person that you love so yeah I learned that I can be wrong and it is okay to be wrong.

2. You are special, there’s someone who loves you despite your low self esteem and self deprecating humor

I never realized how much I believed that self deprecation was humility, that speaking low about yourself was wisdom. Then I met my partner, very confident on who he is, speaks very highly of himself, and me and it changed me. When you have a special someone who treats you like the special person that you are, it makes you believe that you are special, it makes you appreciate life in and see it in a different light, in love you start to believe that you deserve to be loved, you are loved and that you can love and give love.

Also Read : Dear Single Person, You are worthy of Love

3. How to forgive

When couples fight, Swahili parents make sure to remind them that ‘hata vikombe kabatini hugongana’, meaning even cups in cupboard collide every once and a while. Collision in relationships are bound to happen, how you fight and when you do, forgiving is important. Relationships are built on forgiveness, when you are in love, that’s what you learn about yourself, that you are capable of forgiving more times than you can count.

4. How to love your partner right

There’s actually a debate going on, on how to love your partner, do you love them the best way you know how, or do you love them the way they feel love (they love to be loved?), tell me your opinion on this in the comments but when you are in love you learn to listen to your partner’s needs and meet them, you also learn how not to avoid your partner’s emotions because doing this can even destroy your relationship. In short, you learn to give more of yourself to someone else.

5. How to adjust and compromise

I usually advice people to date someone who they have a lot in common, especially things or values that matter so that you don’t compromise most of what’s important to you but because we don’t date ourselves, we date partners who have different interest, values and etc it is important to adjust and meet at the middle in somethings that are issues in your relationship. I used to be so rigid in what I believed, the reason being is I’m an all or nothing kind of a girl, my partner calls me ‘passionate’ about my beliefs but I have actually learned that I can compromise, I can see a point in someone’s viewpoint and meet them at the middle.

And those are the five things I have learned about myself recently, what are the things that you have learned about yourself?


8 thoughts on “5 things you learn about yourself when you are in a relationship

  1. Onyinye Udeh

    Lovely piece.
    Indeed love is a beautiful thing.
    To love and be loved is the best thing.
    Love has thought me what forgiveness truly is.

    1. Eunice Tossy

      totally agree dear. to love and be loved is magical dear. I would love to hear more about your lessons in forgiveness, thank you for reading

  2. Lebogang Shazzygal Malatji

    Perfect love casts out fear. Those are beautiful points.
    Nice work my lady❤❤❤

    1. Eunice Tossy

      Ain’t that true, thank you Lebo. Thank you so much for reading

  3. Rebekah Wasen ❤

    This is beautiful. ♥️

    1. Eunice Tossy

      thank you Rebs, thank you so much for reading dear

  4. Louisa

    It taught me to be patient. I am a not so patient person, but when you love someone truly, that changes. Plus you learn to compromise.

    This is a good read

    1. Eunice Tossy

      girl i hear you!!! i agree, those two are truly key when dealing with someone’s son… thank you for reading

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