An open letter to the man who made me, broke me, sheltered me and healed me
I am a firm believer that we need each other. Men and women need each other to live, to prosper, life is unlivable without the other or at least there are some consequences if the other is not there. You know issues like daddy issues and mommy issues are just some of the few consequences of the other part not stepping up to their role.
In my life I have met men, good men, and men who did bad things to me, I tend to believe that people have the ability to do both, and just because someone was bad to me doesn’t generally make them bad to the other person. But still I wanted to write this letter to air out one or two things to these men.
To the man who made me,
It’s hard to grieve the death of someone you never knew, it feels strange because I am you, you know, so maybe i know you. Sometimes I forget that you are dead or you ever existed, I guess it’s because you went too soon, sooner than I could grasp your presence; your importance in my life, sooner than I could understand father-daughter relationships, sooner than I could know you. These days people tell me I look like you, they tell me you would have been proud of me, they tell me you loved me, they tell me I was everything to you, they also tell me your mistakes, but you are not here to defend yourself, so i will never know the full truth. Don’t worry, I only focus on the good things because I’m made by you, I don’t want to think of the bad, it somehow makes me feel like I’m capable of the same, but also I forgive you, you were human, we all do make mistakes, and that’s also why i don’t focus on your good sides
Dear Dad; feels strange to call that word, the world would’ve been different if you were here, but I don’t think about it a lot, my life might have taken different turns that it did in your absence, I would have been a different person, a different daughter, living a different life. I don’t think about it a lot because part of me is focused on surviving and living this life that I have to the best of my abilities. Whenever I remember or in the days that your absence hit the hardest, I find myself having gratitude for an awesome man that you were, for the few and amazing moments that you gave me when you were alive, even though i don’t remember them because i was so young. But what i remember and i hold dear, is the love for chips that you cultivated in me, I eat chipsi mayai knowing that the act is sacred, i love reading books like you did and mom told me the other night that I eat ugali the way you used to. It is the smallest details like those that make me grateful for your life. I am because you were. If it wasn’t for the decisions you made, good or bad, I wouldn’t have been here. Thank you for making them, thank you for giving me life, thank you for your life. I love you Dad, your second daughter, Andowise.
To the man who broke me,
Bruh, you took me on a ride in life. It was a painful adventure that I never asked for. I remember saying this shouldn’t have happened to me, and it shouldn’t have, to anyone, but it had and it was hard to face the aftermath, the trauma and to rebuild after that. I’m still trying but I wouldn’t change my life journey as I know it. I went through a phase in seeking healing that I hated men, I believed your gender was the worst, until a man provided shelter for me and then I realized it was just you, it wasn’t your gender. It was just you, an individual choice, one hurt individual who is hurting another, it wasn’t a gender thing, you were just messed up, this was just on you, not your gender. When I look back at my life I find myself wanting tosay thank you, since what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, I became a whole new person, experienced different things and emotions after what you did to me. But I don’t want to give you the impression that you did something good to me, it was evil, it was bad, and you are not worthy of gratitude no matter how awesome I have managed to rebuild my life. You are not this powerful man i used to think you are, you are not ‘my abuser’, you are not mine in any sense, I have come to learn that you are weak man who thought ou could be strong by hurting others, who tried to overpower me to feel strDear abuser, I wish you healing I hope you find healing like I have.
Also Read : An open letter to the man whose heart I broke
To the man who sheltered me,
I don’t know what was going on in your mind when you accepted a stranger to come stay in your safe houses… but I’m glad you did. I came to When the Saints in a time of my life when I was really lost, it had been 13 years of me avoiding to deal with the abuse, I had just been through a rough experience with a narcissistic boss, I had just graduated in a course that I didn’t like anymore, I felt lost, hurt and heavy, I needed to burst, it’s why all the conversations that we were having, it felt like I was venting. I released my pain, my hurt on you guys, you listened, you shared with me your wisdom and you answered my questions. I also don’t know what was going on in my mind when I decided to travel to Malawi to stay at your organization, looking back though, that is among the few best decisions that I have made in my life. Living in Malawi, with you and your wife was and still is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Thank you for welcoming me to your home, your office, your life. Thank you for being a tool of healing, thank you for showing up in my life when you did, you gave me a space, home and a friendship with you guys that was and is healing, Euniebean.
To the man who healed me,
I admire your patience with me, I admire your love for me, I admire your selflessness when it comes to me. You came into my life in a time when I needed you the most, and I still do. You showed me love that pushed me to be more courageous, you helped me to see me the way that you see me and it helped me to slowly get back to that badass fun loving girl that I lost with all of life’s realities. Thank you for choosing to do life with me, thank you for knowing all my issues and still choosing to stay, thank you for loving me, for empowering me and always cheering me on, thank you for laughing with me, for always balancing each other out, for playing PS, for leading by example, for setting a higher standard and being a good example. Thank you for bringing back fun to my life. I love you and I’m truly blessed to have a man like you to do life with, your Andi. Also Read : An open letter to the man I Love
I went from being a girl who didn’t know how to relate with men because the man who was supposed to shape that for me died when I was three, to the girl who was hurt by the men she didn’t know how to relate with, to the girl who hated men for the hurt one man caused her, to the woman who hurt men, to the woman who healed, forgave and taught herself how to relate and live and have friendships with men. All of this ended up teaching me that we truly need each other, we are better for each other when we are healed or are aware of our need for healing. Happy men’s day to the three men in this letter who have been so good to me.
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