Pata majibu ya maswali yote uliyonayo kuhusu maisha ya chuo na changamoto zake

Maisha ya kila siku

Where will you be this time next year??

Yes, the title is inspired by This time tomorrow, a book we were reading in secondary school. You are so smart to figure that out, that fast.

A friend of mine inspired me to write this post yesterday night, to the extent that I was in a hype to post this, like I can’t wait to wake up and post this.

So a little bit of a back story, she turned 25 last year, and her birthday didn’t go as planned (which is to say as wished or pictured). Many important people in her life didn’t care about it and also didn’t remember it, there was no hype, she spent it inside, she felt so down to the extent that she turned off her phone you know it was a bad day. And I remember we did chat, she was like, ‘oh yeah, it just a day like any other day’. I just don’t know how to put it into words but it was not a birthday to remember.

(I love birthdays, I have always said that if I become a president, my birthday will be a holiday. Y’all will rest that day. Ha ha! Notice I used if and not when. Don’t get your hopes up!)

And so when she shared that my heart broke big time, I couldn’t picture a birthday spend with your phone off, no buzz and almost feeling not loved.

Then I had my 24th, it was boring. I had never had a boring birthday like my 24th, but it was not a birthday to remember. My family and I speak different love languages, mine is receiving gifts and quality time, my family is different so they were not that hyped about it and I was broke, friends didn’t wish me,no cake (which is a big deal), it wasn’t what I had hoped it to be.

Related : My birthday blog post

So back to my friend’s story, this year she turned 26, hey! September baby!!!! Happy birthday my love!!

And it was ah-mazing. She spent it with her loved one, she loves giving back to the community, and she got to do that, her friends called her to celebrate with them, her day was full of celebration, her day was different, different from last year.

That inspired me, I mean not only because my 24th was awful and so it gave me hopes for my 25th, but also it inspired me to think maybe where we are in one season of our lives is not where we will be in the next.

Maybe its true nothing stays the same forever.

Maybe its true that a lot can happen in a year.

And maybe its true that when we hold on and keep on moving regardless, we will get to experience better things, than what we face now.

I have recently felt uncertain a lot in my life, uncertain about the future, but maybe that is a good thing. It is bad because I don’t know the future, but not knowing is good, I shouldn’t dwell on worrying and fearing the evil, because what if it is filled with good, unimaginable good, good like I have never seen before, joy, friendship and adventure that I am yet to experience? What if I fly and not fall?

Yesterday I read a book that says,’ there are two kinds of people who get into depression that leads to suicide, one thinks that, what I am feeling is so bad, I have never and probably never will I feel this bad again. The other thinks, I have lived my life so bad and I am so full of regrets, there is nothing that I can do to fix it.’

I was on the first group. That says, ‘I am feeling so bad, I have never felt this bad before’.

The one that says, ‘I was so full of life, look at me now’.

The one that thinks, ‘what happened to me?’.

And I remember on the days when I was feeling like that, I remember reminding myself that, this is not the end, keep pushing, keep holding on, who knows where you will be this time next year? Hold on to see that. There is a lot in the future that you are yet to see and face, that is an adventure, and you love adventures, keep pushing for one more day.

Life as I have learnt, is just a circle of feeling good and bad some days. The thing that I am learning now is how to enjoy feeling good because I have known how it is to feel bad, and how to feel bad and deal with it while I know that feeling good is around the corner.

Please don’t commit suicide, feeling good is around the corner.


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