I have ‘election anxiety’
I don’t like to talk about politics.
In my defense there are different sectors, i can just talk about others and other people can be political activist/advocates.
But deep inside, I’m scared.
If you know me, I am an opinionated person (though this maybe a wrong choice of words) and being a blogger i think has made me believe that my voice in things matter and so i think, read and talk a lot about issues, now I am still exploring what my ‘sector’ is so I’m everywhere. Except politics.
I grew up hearing that politics is a ‘dirty game’, they used to say that if you don’t have a witch doctor to hold you down (protect you) don’t go there, okay!!
All over the world, people have been killed, have lost everything and even slept on cold jail cells because of political involvement. Let me just talk about mindset change and mental health y’all, i love my life and ‘freedom’.
It is not just fear, I also don’t talk about politics because I don’t really follow things in that sector, though I know that we can’t separate things from politics, our whole lives are politicized, everything is indeed politics.
Politics affects everything, politics affects all the areas in our lives, how government controls our bodies for example who we can sleep with, how we can dress and more areas that I’m currently learning that the government has the control over in my life which i wonder if it is right, but i don’t catch up with that because i feel powerless in that sector, it stresses me out and also it is weird that someone makes decisions that affects me without me.
In 2017 I volunteered with a certain organization in Arua, Uganda. I have been to Arua twice, to support the trauma counselors in refugee camps. I have seen the consequences of war up close. I have heard stories of how one lived in a beautiful house and the next day live in a refugee camp not knowing when their country will have peace. I have read about civil war because of election results.
It affects our lives in every area.
When it is election time, I get anxious, this year it has been too much. I look at politics as a fight for power, because indeed it is, to be in politics is to be powerful in our societies, powerful to change things, who doesn’t want that?
But I also look at politicians as people who serve themselves, at least most of them are, and I’m scared for our country, for the world, for the people not listened to, for the people not seen because of this ‘dirty game’.
From outside looking in, every leader seems flawed. And i know there is no leader who’s perfect or a country that doesn’t have people fighting or speaking up about an issue, so I’m wondering if speaking up against or for a certain side/candidate is right. Just watching and not taking side seems like a safe decision for me.
I feel like during election season, peace (absence of war) is fragile. That scares every bone in my body.
So here’s how I spent this year’s election time, read the news before the election week, I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep well, i felt like days were longer, panicked, my mind was clouded and blank at the same time and then i decided to take a break the whole week. I’m still on a break until this is over.
In my break, i danced for stress release, watched movies, listened to music, enjoy meals, the sun and just protect myself from stress or any news.
All I’m doing is hiding in my room to protect my mental health and distract myself.
So please don’t ask me about the election or what i think about it, I haven’t been keeping up with it for my own mental health sake but also I don’t like to know all the details and digging deep while i know I can’t do anything about it.
I know it is a privilege to be able to tune out from such an important event in our country, I’m sorry and i am working on it.
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