Pata majibu ya maswali yote uliyonayo kuhusu maisha ya chuo na changamoto zake

Maisha ya kila siku

A letter to the friend I’ve lost along the way

(Selena Gomez’s new song called People you know is my favorite right now. And it spoke to me in so many ways. How people can go from people you know to people you don’t…

I just want to say that this has happened to me, some I don’t know and some don’t know me anymore, because i have changed as well. And so i am writing this letter to the friends/people i used to know and don’t anymore, it doesn’t matter who changed, me or them.)

When we met, I knew we would be friends. I have that gift.

Of looking at people and knowing what we will be, weird i know.

I feel like we had a good time, I enjoyed us, am not gonna lie, you were a good friend.

We bonded over things like food, praying and jokes. We even had our inside jokes. You know, just me and you understand what that means, and we laugh to it. I feel like I cried, laughed, learnt and grew a lot when i was with you.

In the season of life that we were together, we stood out for each other, fought for each other and shaped each other.

You taught me confidence, how to pray, acceptance and how to go all out for a person.

I wasn’t perfect, neither were you, but we were friends. I mean close in a way that we are not now, and friends know each other’s weakness and they are safe havens.

Then we went different ways.

And we didn’t meet for quite some time.

Then we reconnected.

And I felt like i don’t know you. At all.

Or maybe you felt the same.

People change, a lot.

And i feel like you were trying so hard to try bring the old me into the surface for your comfortability without really asking what happened.

Why am I this way.

Or maybe you know but you just didn’t want to acknowledge it, because you are stuck with your image of the old me.

I wanted to talk to you, to hear what happened over the years, you didn’t want to ‘catch up’.

You wanted us to pick up on where we left it.

But sometimes things don’t stay the same as we leave them, they rust,if it’s iron or decay if its food, or grow if its a seed.

Life doesn’t leave us the same that is why we need to catch up all the time, so that we be in tune with who we have turned out to be recently.

Life messes us up, we develop characters, we once never had. We see characters in people, the ones we never thought we would see in them.

I will be lying if I say I don’t miss us. I miss us, the past us. But we are not that no more, there is a lot that has happened in between that we just can’t go back there, unless we unload. Something that you think is not necessary.

So now we dont see each other, for who we are.

You have refused to catch up to who i am now and i feel like I can’t force you to see me now.

You don’t let me learn you afresh, know you for who you are now. Because I know you have changed too.

So maybe I need to accept that I thought you would be a lifelong friend, but maybe not in this season.

I am good friend not only when I want to hold you, but also when I let you go. And letting go of us in this season I do.

Will it be permanent, I don’t know.

Will we reconnect in the future? I don’t know.

But here is what I know, I have here, now, this moment. And in it, we are not what we used to be. You are not in it.

I wish you nothing but the best, whatever that looks for you now.

For now, I have lost you.

For now we can’t go back to what we used to be, for now it doesn’t work.

I am making peace with our lost friendship, while cherishing the memories.



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