People often ask the question, why do men cheat? And I have heard a lot of excuses, sorry, reasons as to why men cheat and seem to get away with it. It is almost as if there is something special in men, in their genes that make them predisposed to cheating on their partners while the opposite notion is held that women find it harder to cheat.
For as long as this is made into a gender issue, we will never come to fully understand the dynamics of affairs. Cheating is not attractive to men only and women are not the only gender that can fight off the urge to cheat. This is a human thing, every single human being is tempted by infidelity and every human being is capable of fighting it off. Willpower was not distributed unequally amongst sexes. For those who believe in God, every gender was given the promises that there is no temptation that will be beyond you.
I cringe when people say all men cheat because it relieves them from accountability and control. I cringe even more when they say women find it hard to cheat. A woman can never have a sexual relationship without developing feelings they say. Most men believe that women do not have the ability to love more than two men at the same time and the patriarchal system seems to have found comfort in that. As a result, men now slack, go out and toy with women’s emotions because they feel, she is not going anywhere. “If I get caught, what is the deal with that? She will never find man who doesn’t cheat”, they think. Are you sure though? I invite to talk to my fellow country men here in Zimbabwe where a DNA closure show is trending. More than 90% of the cases turned out that the alleged father was not the biological father indicating that women are outchea cheating too.
Women are as capable as men to cheat, because this is not a gender issue, this is a human issue and we are all humans. The only difference is that the women who have decided, like other unfaithful men, to be unfaithful are just better at hiding it. I mean, how could you not. In the days of old you could be stoned to death. In the modern days, stones of words are thrown at you and shameful glares are poured on you, so yes women have developed a survival tactic. And a folklore has been spread I don’t know by who exactly, that women find it hard to cheat. It could have been men who wanted to manipulate women into thinking they are not capable of going after their lustful desires as well, or it could have been by a woman who devised a plan to make women look weaker and innocent, so that women could be underestimated and their deeds could go unnoticed. And for centuries they have gone unnoticed, because men could not be any more oblivious to this fact that women too, can have a no strings attached relationships. I mean look at how call girls function.
I decided to talk about this because it is crucial to understand that it is not specifically a woman or a man, but a human being, an individual who cheats. However, for most women they have decided not to. It could be because of the expectations and the punishments involved. They have learnt to exercise their will power and make decisions with their brains and mind to commit to the man they have vowed to be with. This is a gift that has not only been gifted to women only but to mankind as a whole. Men cheat because they do not understand this gift of freewill. They cheat because for centuries they were never held accountable, therefore they never really exercised this gift to know that it can work. Men, like most women, can also choose to stay away from situations that make them hurt the very person they profess to love. They can make a choice to not play around with multiple women’s hearts and lie to their faces because the same will power that is present in women to say no, is also present in them. They are not as helpless as they say they are, they just do not wish to exercise that power.
As a Christian girl I will refer to the Bible that has many noble characters from Abraham to David and many more who had many wives and many use them to stress out that monogamy is not possible for men. Two men particularly stand out for me though. These men were so committed to commitment they never strayed from their wives. Isaac fell so deeply in love with Rebecca the moment he saw her. The Bible highlighted how Isaac loved Rebecca and what Rebecca meant to him. She was his comfort and his heart was committed to her, he never married another wife or took a concubine in a world where polygamy was the norm. Joseph had a deep sense of self control, he ran away from the temptation of sleeping with a woman who had readily presented herself to him. I would like to believe it is this control of self, full awareness of what he commits to that made him have one wife as well.
Fidelity is a personal decision. If one truly holds themselves accountable and take full responsibility for their actions, if one is truly aware of the consequences of their actions, they are more likely going to act more faithfully. There is a lot to be lost from cheating that people take for granted. Things that society and patriarchal system have belittled. A woman’s pain from this betrayal has been minimized and yet the pain is real. The confusion in the poor children’s minds when they see their father with another family and their mother in tears. Men fail to see this and only acknowledge the pain when it is done to them. Women are not superhuman, they can also cheat, they feel pain when cheated on and its high time men come out from this shell of protection that the society has put them in and take accountability and responsibility of their actions. Women are expected to stay away from temptation and men should too.
Written by Davina