I don’t think I compare my life to others, even though that’s the first thought that comes to mind everytime I see someone doing something else.. even things that I don’t like. Recently a friend asked me about my plans, he suggested that I have been at home for quite sometime now, it’s time that I go for Masters. To be honest, that’s not what I see for my life. But deep inside I still feel a little ping of jealous or maybe like I’m not on the right path of life when I see others especially those that I was in college with go through that path.
I struggle with being okay with the path I have chosen, I have fomo, it feels like everyone is having a blast or maybe having the best time doing things that I know I don’t want to do in my life. I guess the what ifs, I guess the thought of how life would have been like if I were there hit me the most or maybe just that I’m too scared of making a mistake and I feel like all my choices aren’t right? You know?
Maybe it is satisfaction… Maybe it is being secure on your own path.. maybe it is living fully secure in your own life story… Maybe it is just knowing, being okay and accepting the way you live your life, loving your life, knowing that how you live it is the best way for you regardless of what everyone else does with theirs.. maybe i struggle with all of this.. and looking at others’ lives doesn’t help, looking at all the decisions I could be making, i should be making that I don’t want to make or I’m not making right now makes me feel like I’m not doing this life thing right or i haven’t figured it out like others.
This all makes me wonder what is life? How do I want to live it? Am I happy living it the way I do? Maybe that’s why I have these feelings? What should I do to live in such a way where I’m content and satisfied with my life? How should I live such that I’m at peace and okay with the journey I’m on? How do I want to live my life?
I guess what I want is to be a person I’m proud of, is to live my life to the fullest (by traveling, trying new things and food, meeting people and being adventurous), contributing positively to the world and being happy with me and my life in all areas of it. Let’s see if I will still have the same questions, if I will still look at others’ choice and lives with envy and deep yearning for mine to be exciting or feel the same way I feel right now once I start to live like that.