This is a post where i get really vulnerable.
First of all, thank God that Valentine’s day is over, now I don’t have to see couple’s pictures flooding my timeline.
The truth is singleness is beautiful, singleness is a gift but it is really hard.
Somedays I am ready to give up all my dreams and plans to just be in that relationship.
Somedays all my prayers consist of is, God, for how long?, God, till when? and i have weeks where I daydream of being in a relationship with my celebrity crush. Like every month i have those.
I think as a single person i understand that relationships are tough, they are hard work, i know that people in relationships are not 24/7 happy but still i want a relationship. Somedays the urge is stronger than other days.
One time i wanted to apply for an opportunity that meant i should travel and i asked my mentor if i should apply for it, and she said, what’s holding you down not too?. I was really grateful to be single when she said that.
But I have days like today where i wake up and play Sam Smith’s To Die For, a reminder that I am really scared of being alone forever.
I don’t hate my own company but I want companionship.
I love myself but i think am as well capable of loving someone else, and that gives you a feeling of joy i think, when you are that selfless.
I am a hard worker who doesn’t really need or like someone to tell me what to do but i would love to have someone who pushes, believes and loves me unconditionally. Someone who supports and complements me.
I have friends who I can cry with/to, but I would love to have someone to talk to, who laughs at my jokes and let’s me be my imperfect self without editing, someone who when i am with i don’t need to put on an act. A safe place, judgement free zone.
I am the only child, so am so used to being alone, but I would love to have someone with me and so not be alone all of the time, to know that i have someone in my life as well, that makes it two of us, a team, always there for each other.
I would love to hear someone’s stories of his childhood, know his favourite food, colour, talk to about how our days are and have our songs, you know the ones we jam to. A love song that when i hear it I miss him instantly and him the same.
I would love to have someone who pushes me to be better, reads and actively shares my blogposts as if I am the best writer he has ever seen in his life, while he is the one who has been editing the post and made them perfect. And I do the same on his line of work. Contribute positively in each other’s lives.
I would love to have someone who knows my family dramas, and accept my family the way it is, and i do the same. And always share stories and laugh together when new drama comes up on both sides.
Do I think that these feelings are influence by the society’s pressure?
Well, yes because i am posting this days after Valentine‘s day.
Yes, because some people choose to live without partners and that turns out to be the best decision they have ever made, like Paul in the Bible.
And no because i feel like the feeling comes from my heart, and I am not really a person who gets influenced that much so i think this is a personal feeling.
I feel like I am at a point where I am ready to be selfless and be there for someone in the long run. Do life together as a team, partners and best friends.
But for now Tori Kelly – Dear No One‘s not a bad company. I know when the time is right, He will be here.